Things

Book of Pipe City

Hello and welcome to the book of the complete history of pipe city by I, Jack Pickelle, the Pipe city expert. If I forgot to include you in the book then you can just tell me and I will write you in.

In about 1945 my dad Nicholas Pickelle was living in some god forsaken fucking hole like an hour out of Agara called Kempsey. He told me once that the population was 40% spiders, 20% swampies, and 90% inbred.

Anyway, one day he and his "mates" had an "injury" at the "workplace" and decided to go to the pub to repair themselves. Some of those fucking swamp pricks that they used to have back then came out of the bush and came in the pub. Naturally my dad and also his friends were pissed so they came up with a little bit of that "Pipe City Sense of Humour" which we know so much about right here in Pipe City.

My dad plucked the big and cool hat from the head of one of the swampies, and removed his trousers. This was the signal to the other fellows, and each one of them began to piss real hard and real loud. A proper man's piss like they have been trying to make illegal. Each of his mates was pissing out a different flavour of piss now....

Jack Walker wore a big bloody broad brimmed hat that flopped up and down when he was walking in the street and he wore a light blue shirt. He was a white piss man all the way and you could tell this because his piss was white like a piece of stale bread.

The next guy my dad just called "the red piss guy" and this name sums up that bit of the adventure quite well.... his piss was the colour of berries that had been freshly picked from the tree just this morning and then taken real fast to the shop on ice.

In the middle was my father. He made beautiful piss and it was classic style yellow piss.

You may now be wondering why they pissed them, well here is the funny bit. The swampies shouted in their retarded version of english "Eyyy man, why ya pissin in me hat ya dog cunt eyy?".

My dad looked over his shoulder and said "We are making a swamp in your hat, so now you can feel more comfortable in it you stupid swamp fucker".

Hell yeah. That is what my father is like.

The swampies were famous for not understanding this kind of humour due to their mental defect, so this is where things got a bit fucked up. The swampies walked out of the joint shouting and fucked off for some time, so my father and his "mates" got back to work. It wasn't about 6PM that the pricks came back in, and this time they had a little joke of their own, only theirs was too far and not funny.

Red Piss man was entertaining the fellows with his "red beer" trick when a fucked up noise broke through the burbling like a box through a sheet of foam.

"eeeeeey ya dog cunt, how ya gonna like this eeeeey?" said the head swampie.

One Second later he pulled a biiig fucking worm out of his pants and started swinging it around his head in the fucking pub, and patrons were rolling over tables and shit trying to get away from this crazed swamp cunt with no shirt or shoes let alone bloody gloves swinging a giant predatory worm about the joint and it was banging into shit and rolling about the place one table FALLS over and the fucking cabinet..... it is FUCKED! HELL YEAH! the glasses are falling out my eye sees them turning so slowly so slowly they are falling out of THE cabinet and they HIT the grouned yes yes yes the long metal spoon hits the bowl it breaks the worm whips and twists around the tail strikes the glass medal board the medals are coming out the glasses are all gone the doors are coming open they are coming off the wall they are warping and coming loose.

they warp for two seconds slowly and luxuriously they bend and then they just pop right out of the wall and they fly out and they hit the roof and there is an infernal breaking and creaking all through the pub everything is popping and creaking everything is breaking and revolving slowly but firmly it is all FUCKED.

Medal comes through the air and it hits Mr Red Piss right in his left eye and the eye does not work anymore.

My father regathers his senses and configures himself for the worm insanity. This is the moment that he realised he loved worms, and Pipe City was born not all that much after this night happened. All thanks to those lovely Swamp Men and their charming ways, who would have thought just 7 years later they would be wiped out... and it wasn't even caused by their drinking habits!!

Fast forward to the year 1950 and I am born in the pipe city kitchen soup vat. Thereby making sure that every meal in Pipe City is consecrated by the miriacle of life. This is why the worms we grow and eat in this city are more delicious and more nourishing than anywhere else in the Bagoon river delta.

Before the Pipe City brand was created by my father, the core section of Pipe City was built by the blue wizards as a way of researching the ocean floor, and this access is used today to dispose of garbage into the bottom of the ocean through the gurgler in the kitchen.

Pipe City is only going up.. Who know.. maybe one day there will be more pipe cities springing up all over the world...